I haven't been blogging lately because the internet connection is so unreliable, but also because I feel that these posts are just watered down versions of entries I would have written more honestly if I were sure no one would read them except me. I'm not so good at this whole blogging stuff, I suppose.
These past two days I've been feeling extremely frustrated with reporting. A big part of my frustration is rooted in the whole taboo nature of gay issues in Ghana. Trawling through the national archives, talking to people on the street, I'm always astophished at the rampant homophobia everywhere, but during these times I'm not bothered so much. When I'm out in the day with my reporter's mindset, all these news pieces and every day conversations are interesting to me and I get genuinely excited to hear what Ghanaians have to say about gay and lesbian rights. Yet, at the end of the day, after my reporting is momentarily suspended and I let myself unwind, I muse on everything that had happened that day and I finally let myself feel these experiences. I brush aside the analyzing and the probing and the inquiring I do as a journalist, and simply let myself feel the reality of Ghana's homophobia as a human being. Evenings are so overwhelming for me, and sometimes I seems more than bearable. Last night I wasn't able to do anything, and after prepping my interviews for the next day, I just sat on the sofa in our dorm complex and stared into space. How is it possible to feel so overwhelmed and exasperated and have nothing really accomplished so far?
Another interview fell through today. The phone lines are down across the city and won't be back up until Monday. I've been here two and a half weeks and I have nothing substantial to show for all the hours I put into everything. I can't confirm many of the incriminating statements I've gotten from sources, and I won't be able to publish them unless I find a way to substantiate them. Not like I'll be able to since no one archives any of these things and the government won't give me access to their files, obviously.
I've spent all day calling people to no avail. I have no interviews set up despite the hours of calling I've done. None.
I need to leave now for a follow up interview. I'm just hoping that this one works out and I can get the information I need. You know, I wonder why I'm in this country when no one wants me here, no one wants my help or input. It seems as if neither the local media, the government, or even the gay rights organizations here and internationally want me here. I'm just a crazy "white" foreigner intruding, pompous and deluded, thinking I can do something positive for a country I'll never be able to call home, for a people who I cannot understand and who will never understand me.
Enough self pitying. I am very late.
Elmina/Cape Coast pictures to come!
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1 comment:
Keeping hard at it. That's the spirit you will need to get anything done in this world. To get at the truth you will need to put on your overalls, not your suit. The latter is for superficial encounters. It is a very confusing world, this place we call the earth. The good are intolerant of each other because of conflicting goals and interest. Be patient, above all with yourself and try to look at the situation from the other persons' point of view. Of course there is homophobia in Ghana, as there is in America and Britian and other parts of the world. But there are practicing gays too in Ghana, just they are in other places. They will be willing to talk to you, I am sure, if you learn to approach them in ways that does not lead to trouble for them. Reevaluate your tactics, reassess your assumptions and your approach and see what happens. Above all try to keep an eye all what is common between you and the people you are trying to connect. Free advice from an occasional reader of your blog, who also happens to be a Ghana native and - what do you know - a UofC alumni.
Kwasi Appiah at Kappiah98@yahoo.com
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